Friday, December 30, 2005

Response


Dear Darrin,

The neglect in my blogging is due to the fact that I have been entirely too busy with the following:

Dropping off the Tabithas by way of Oakland (I should have just flew them there myself)
Wrecking my bewitched vehicle
Putting up with YOUR parents, both of which are unaware of the fact I'm a witch
Going to dinner with your old female co-workers and playing the part of the amused wife
Having dreams about meeting Angelina Jolie and Maddox in the supermarket

After browsing through the list above, I'm sure you will refrain from beating me--at least for this evening.

I will have cocktails ready for you and your boss when you get home this evening.

Love,

Samantha

Dear Samantha



Dear Sam,

You have been neglecting your blog. I also think you turned the neighborhood snoop into a bat just for fun. You best be getting busy as your tom-witch foolery has gone on long enough. NO EXCUSES! You know both of your sweet Tabithas are out of town visiting the ex-darrin.

P.S. Have a drink ready when I come home.

P.P.S.S. Don't make me beat you

Love,

Darrin

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Big Wave Wednesday

There were some big ass waves at the beach today.

If I were a surfer, I might even say there were "bitchin'."

I'm not a surfer, so I'll just say it was "neat."

Over and out.
The End

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The Best Meats in the Rump!


Now you all know exactly why I married him. The man has an ass like J Lo. How could I resist?

Happy Friday!

Monday, December 12, 2005

I Work at a Place Called "Eddy's"

I work at a place called Eddy’s. I’m not going to tell you what kind of company it is, because you wouldn’t believe me anyway. No, it’s not a strip club—that would be too believable, don’t you think? And it’s not a not a coffee bar, because if it was I wouldn’t be writing this. I would be in a corner, every inch of me shaking and twitching while java dripped from my comatose mouth.

I’ll just leave it up to you to guess.

Eddy’s employs the following: 2 Indians (from India), 8 Hispanics (from various Hispanic nations), and one White Girl (from Utah). Every surface of Eddy’s is covered in a layer of dust. If you clean up the dust, the next day the dust will be right back where you left it, mocking you. If you breathe in too much at Eddy’s, you could possibly get lung, brain, liver, or pancreas cancer. If you fall asleep at Eddy’s, you could lose a limb, get robbed, or end up spray painted a rainbow of high-quality colors.

For a while, I didn’t have a phone in my office at Eddy’s. For a while, I didn’t have a computer at Eddy’s. For a while, I had a computer monitor, but no computer at Eddy’s. For a while, I had a computer, but no internet at Eddy’s. Now I have all of the above. Today was a good day at Eddy’s.

In my office at Eddy’s, there is a picture displaying several natural-breasted, big-haired 1980’s “sexy” women standing by some “hot” 1980’s car—I think it’s a Firebird or TransAm. I don’t think it’s “hot” at all. I think it’s old and dirty, like most of the pictures at Eddy’s. I would like to hang up a poster of James Dean or Robert Smith, but I doubt that would fly.

Eddy’s is not where I would have seen myself working five years ago, I still don’t see myself working there—yet I do five hours a day, five days a week. Eddy’s isn’t my “type” of work, but you know what? I like Eddy’s. Everyday I work at Eddy’s is great. There is no glass ceiling at Eddy’s. There are no vicious women at Eddy’s. My boss at Eddy’s doesn’t freak out on a weekly basis. There is no drama at Eddy’s.

I think I’ll stay at Eddy’s for a little while.

To Prove I Am Still an Independant, Free Thinking Individual, Despite the Fact I'm Married...

I left the computer on when I left to work this morning...AFTER Anthony told me to make sure I turned it off when I left.

It doesn't get much more independant than that, does it?

I didn't think so either.

PS. As I was walking out the door, "Stayin' Alive" by the BeeGees was playing...how appropriate. Needless to say, I strutted out the door.

Friday, December 09, 2005

So As Not to "Let Everyone Down Again"

So I know this is a really weak post, but I figured I would post something--ANYTHING, so you girls would stop harrassing me about the lack of Depeche Mode content. (It's in the works, I swear!)

I had a dream last night that all my teeth fell out. You can only imagine how relieved I was when I woke up and found out I had only lost one.

Just kidding. I have all my chompers! Fooled you!

Again, I know this post is weak--but DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!

Posts to come:

"The Oscillating Heater"

"Strange Dreams, Part II"

"Why I Disapprove of the Guys My Sister Dates, Part II" (Nick, this one is ALL YOU baby!)

"The Best Meat is in the Rump"

"If Only I Were Still a Smoker"

"Yes, I Work at a Place Called "Eddy's""



DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!