Motherhussy Invites a Guest
As many of you know, the boys have been gone for almost two weeks now. Last year during their usual summer absence, I was all a flutter with moving, gyming, beaching and all sorts of exciting ings--but so far this summer has been different. Their absence has left what I will refer to as a "need vacuum". Nobody needs me right now. To some, that may a great feeling--to me, I feel like I'm suffocating under a heavy blanket of freedom. So now, after work, instead of coming home to needs and demands from the only two people I really care to be needed and demanded by, I come home and am confused. What do I do? Should I go to the beach? Should I clean? Should I feed the homeless? Should I undergo invasive, unnecessary surgery? Should I write? Instead of doing any of those things, I just find a quiet corner to sit in, hug my knees to my chest, and visualize making sack lunches over, and over, and over.
Since my newfound, uncomfortable freedom is leaving me--shall we say, uninspired (my recent blogs are proof) I've decided to invite a guest writer. Actually, he invited himself--but I welcome the self-invitation with open arms full of freshly sliced jowls. He's a man of mystery, and imagination. A fellow of brains and pron. So, without further ado...put your hands together for my friend (and often my muse), Iron Chef Mexican!
Since my newfound, uncomfortable freedom is leaving me--shall we say, uninspired (my recent blogs are proof) I've decided to invite a guest writer. Actually, he invited himself--but I welcome the self-invitation with open arms full of freshly sliced jowls. He's a man of mystery, and imagination. A fellow of brains and pron. So, without further ado...put your hands together for my friend (and often my muse), Iron Chef Mexican!
Jowls, a pictorial essay. With words.
by Iron Chef Mexican
by Iron Chef Mexican
When I discovered that this blog was the fifth Google result for "saggy jowls," I felt moved to compose this treatise, so that we might reflect upon, ponder upon, and hope to understand the phenomenon which is the jowl.
The jowl, like the bald head, belongs to that rare class of physical characteristics that most people find adorable on infants, yet repulsive on mature adults. Observe:
The jowl, like the bald head, belongs to that rare class of physical characteristics that most people find adorable on infants, yet repulsive on mature adults. Observe:
Cute.
Not so cute.
See what I mean?
Many, many infants enjoy a bit of pudge on the sides of their faces. This is popularly known as "chubby cheeks." It is only when the cheeks begin to answer gravity's irresistible call, can they be known as "jowls."
Many, many infants enjoy a bit of pudge on the sides of their faces. This is popularly known as "chubby cheeks." It is only when the cheeks begin to answer gravity's irresistible call, can they be known as "jowls."
This little guy's chubby cheeks are just starting to blossom into jowls.
Jerry Falwell's jowls are consecrated to the Lord.
I hope that someday, science discovers a way so that someone who gains weight can control where the fat goes. Then I could grow my own jowls. My goal is to out-jowl the guy on the right:
Major League Baseball executives Bud Selig and Bob Dupuy. Dupuy's got some serious jowlage.
The Bob Dupuy of cute little babies.
Relatively few of us know that jowl is also a tasty cut of meat. According to www.smokehouse.com, "Jowl may be fried and served just like bacon, but it's more flavorful and less expensive." It's available sliced and unsliced.
Jowel-wrapped prons—fancy!
posted by Charise @ 9:25 AM
12 Comments:
i can't wait for your blog about your unecessary invasive surgery!
(I'm still reading your blog even though you "broke up" with katherine...church wrecker.)
I heart this blog. I hope to have a couple of jowles of my own someday (preferrably on the baby)
Yeah.... you guys can all HAVE MY JOWELS AND WELCOME TO THEM!!!
jowels scowls bowels towels vowels powells dowels howells
You guys can have all of that. Xcpt th twls ... wll kp th twls .... mb nd t kp m bwls ls
"nd h sd nt thm: Bhld, m bwls r flld wth cmpssn twrds " -3 nph 17:6
tk yr vwls bck [scwl]
Haha! You ARE a clever one ICM!!! You can quote SCRIPTURE sans vowels! :) ( and to come up with a Book of Mormon Bowel referrence to boot!(
Thankee ma'am. Just tryin' to earn my place as one of the resident wits 'round these parts :-)
Bravo icm, more more more! More jowels, more laughter, more babies!
lol@ICM saying, "Thankee."
Newjanbrady: Thankee too, ma'am. Much obliged.
Charise: I hope you picture me tipping my Stetson when I say it.
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