Motherhussy

Mystery

Does anyone know who this actress is?

posted by Anonymous @ 5:03 PM 5 comments

See If You Can Find My Name! Yay!

Kewl.

posted by Anonymous @ 9:31 PM 8 comments

Brains!

For any of you that were wondering...my brain is just fine!

posted by Anonymous @ 8:13 PM 4 comments

One for Saturday Night

(written to "Panorama" by Patchwork)


wheels on blacktop travelling a never-ending road
always heading somewhere, but with no place to go
sun rises and sets, coffee brews and grows cold
eyes open every morning, waking up to grow old
lights blink, traffic hums, voices lie, t.v. re-runs
maybe you should trade-in your brain,
upgrade your thoughts
re-model your existence, write a new plot

posted by Anonymous @ 8:20 PM 5 comments

6 v. 7

Colton has been assigned to give a talk in Primary, the topic: "My Favorite of the Ten Commandments." Personally, I find this subject challenging—as I don’t have a favorite. I hate them all. But Colton on the other hand was quick to answer that his favorite of the Ten Commandments is Commandment #6: Thou shalt not kill. When I asked him why that was his favorite he responded:

"Well, if I had a choice between Thou shalt not kill and Thou shalt not commit adultery (Commandment VII), I would commit adultery before I would kill anyone."

Me too Colton, me too.

posted by Anonymous @ 11:12 AM 6 comments

When I Grow Up I Want to be a Renegade Artist

I peeled this beauty off of a stop sign on my walk last night....I heart it HARD! If anyone knows who it belongs to, please let me know. I would like to buy the artist a drink.

posted by Anonymous @ 8:47 PM 2 comments

Today

While riding home from school today, we passed by a tired-looking woman waiting for the bus. Next to the woman was a Nordstrom bag full of what I'm pretty sure were non-Nordstrom items. The boys stared for a moment, then Colton commented, "Now those are two things you don't see together very often."

"What are?" I asked, focusing only on the red light in front of me.

"Nordstrom bags and bus stops."

"Hmm, you're right," I agreed. He was right; normally the only bags I see hanging around the bus stop are brown paper ones--and lady ones.

"You know what else doesn't go together very well?" Colton quizzed.

"What?"

"Chinese food and pudding."

How I managed to raise such an insightful young lad on only a public school education, I'll never know. I'm just glad I did, because now I know what not to serve for dinner tonight. Bags.

posted by Anonymous @ 8:05 PM 4 comments

Just a Saturday Night Nothing

Mamma's free spirit
was locked up in chains
Daddy's free spirit
was pushed underground
Baby's free spirit
well,
it's somewhere around

It's hanging on by a thread
but lost in a mire
it's losing its breath
in some saint's dying pyre

Goodbye long summers
afternoons watching planes
dreaming of nothing
but what you'll do the next day
it's all a dream, all a thought
letting go of the things
you initially sought

posted by Anonymous @ 9:09 PM 6 comments

Excited to be Melancholy

Don’t talk to me about Christmas
All it is is wrapping paper vomit
pine-scented dysfunction
carols for the Joneses

Don’t want your designer garbage
Market it with a “C”
Put it in the oven
For Jesus Christ and me

I want an IV of chai tea
A brulee of dried leaves
Bob Dylan and Morrissey
Just give me Fall, please

posted by Anonymous @ 7:50 PM 9 comments

"Look! Brains!"

Since my grey matter feels like a bowl of stale grits today, I've decided to pimp my cousin's blog. Not that she needs pimping, because she's pretty much SLC's literary answer to Heidi Fleiss, nevertheless, I want to pimp her to all ya'll:

My Kick Ass Cousin

It's a funny read, and we all enjoy funny reads--don't we?

posted by Anonymous @ 6:30 PM 2 comments

07:03 AM. On a Friday. Lomita, CA

On my way to work (yesterday) I was starving and decided to stop by Jay's Donuts for a tasty morning treat. I pulled into the crowded parking lot, eager to meet my soon-to-be-consumed baked good. The air was so thick with sugar that I took in a deep breath and exhaled cotton candy. I purchased my tasty treat, along with a cup of hot, cheap joe (I'm talking about coffee, not a gay prostitute). With items in hand, I started walking briskly towards my chariot. Unfortunately, my sweet jaunt was quickly interrupted when the ground gave way under my heels and I was assaulted by a blanket of blacktop. It all happened so fast, yet it seemed to also be in slow motion. I lurched forward, with both hands and a knee breaking my fall. The palms of my hands and my right knee were skinned up pretty good, but somehow my left leg wasn't hurt at all. I figure it must have separated from my body during the fall, and returned to its rightful place after the danger had passed. Smart thinking left leg!

Sadly, my coffee, once held tenderly in my hand, went spilling to the ground as I fell victim to gravity's evil scheme. The donut went crashing down almost simultaneously, and landed in the puddle of what was to be my morning buzz. I sat stunned; I don't fall! I'm too old to fall, I thought—only children fall. Soon the reality set in as I realized a handful of old gentlemen had stopped talking about the price of pork to ask me, "Are you okay?" I answered, "Yes," but in all honesty it took a lot to keep the tears in. I pulled the pile of my body up, grabbed the empty cup of joe and soggy donut, and walked to the trash can to throw away the tasty fallen soldiers.

In case you're wondering, I did not return to the shop for a replacement donut and cup of coffee. For one, I was much too proud (and embarrassed) to show my tear-filled eyes to the stunned (holding in laughter) crowd. Secondly, I figured that the fall was karma's way of telling me, "You shouldn't be eating a fecking donut for breakfast—oatmeal is much healthier!" I agree with karma; however, there are no oatmeal shops on my way to work.

posted by Anonymous @ 11:12 AM 4 comments

Question

Do you think it's strange that the doctor I saw tonight for my migraines gave me his cell phone number? Maybe he's just a great doctor, and I haven't seen a great doctor for SO long that I just didn't realize that great doctors give their cell phone numbers out.

Anywhoo, just wondering. I think I may call him up tonight for a little chatty chat, what with DH out of town and all.

posted by Anonymous @ 10:09 PM 5 comments

Drumroll Please...

The book the boys had to read was Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume. See the correlation? My kids are in fourth grade, the book is about a boy who is in fourth grade.

So deep.

Absinthe all around!

posted by Anonymous @ 9:58 PM 2 comments

Blog Stew

Obviously I've been out of the bloop lately, so I want to present to you all a quick casserole of what's been going on in my life--get you up to speed so I can get back in the regular groove of day to day postings. I'm going to go in order from present to past:

*I'm sitting at the computer. They boys are working on their projects for the FIRST DAY OF FOURTH GRADE tomorrow...guess what book they read for the subject of their project? I'll give you a limited edition bottle of my own home-distilled absinthe if you can guess correctly. [Please submit guesses in comments section of this blog]

*I sat at work for too many hours. I think my butt my be turning from a circle to a square. I do squats while I brush my teeth, I think that may help counter the square-butt situation.

*I spent the weekend in a baby opium den. Me, Michele, Suzy, and Nichole laid around Nichole's house taking deep drags off of Teague for hours until we passed out. One night, I tweeked on Teague so hard that I passed out at about 2 a.m. I still feel the sweet hangover only an infant can give. I'm craving more, more, more! [picture Motherhussy twitching and looking around nervously for her next baby hit]

*Obviously, Cody and Colton returned from their lives of redneckedness to their lives of beaching and hummus. I had to re-teach the boys their grammar. Colton came home saying, "You know what? I really like them Mustang GTs." Fingernails on a chalkboard would have been sweet, sweet music compared to that grammatical bullshit. Now, I'm no grammar rodeo queen, but even I know "them Mustang GTs" is incorrect grammar. Incorrect on so many levels.

*I got a new job working for the City of Snoop Dogg (Long Beach, CA). I quit my favorite job working for my favorite Pastor that works for GOD. But before I could do that, I helped orchestrate a wedding. There are oh-so-many stories I can tell about that one. One story: "Charise Forgets to Make a Copy of the Wedding Certificate--Havoc Ensues." I miss working at the church. I miss the scary attic that makes bumping sounds, I miss the smell of the courtyard, I miss taking walks to the Pier with Katherine, I miss Catalina Coffeehouse "my kingdom for a cup of coffee" chat, I miss feeling like I'm doing something really worthwhile. I miss feeling awake.

Well, I think that about brings everything up to speed. Did someone say speed? Baby speed? Give me a hit of that chubby shit!

Love you all,

Motherhussy

posted by Anonymous @ 7:38 PM 7 comments