Lack of Internet in the Workplace, John Elway, and Plastic Pants
I would like to take an official poll and see how many of you aren't allowed internet access at work. Better yet, how many of you have had internet access at work but for some reason had it removed. *If you had it removed for looking at humping monkeys, I understand why your boss would remove it. Nobody can do a thorough document edit while the howls of monkeys in love resonate in the background. Sick.Okay, so I'm sure a few of you have had your internet removed. I know at least one of you have. Now, did this hand-slap discipline of getting your internet removed increase your work productivity or did it leave you feeling handicapped? Don't answer that question because I already know, it decreased your productivity and left you feeling handicapped. So why, I ask, does management feel this is an acceptable punishment in the workplace (except for the monkey thing)? Personally, I have not fallen victim of this type of managerial power trip. But I know of a certain employee who has. This person is a wonderful, energetic, courteous, hard-working, hot employee who has had their internet removed for such idiotic reasons as "not being nice enough."I sent a link the other day to this person, forgetting that she has now been demoted to daycare status at her job, and she was sadly reduced to calling her friend on the phone who DOES have internet access and having her read it to her. Sortof like a service to the blind. Keep in mind also, if she wants to make reservations of any type for her "higher-ups" she now has to use a telephone and the effing YELLOW PAGES! Who does that? Dex Online oh how I love thee.
Anyway, point is--unless your employee has a passion for men in lingerie or humping monkeys, find some other way to punish them without punishing yourself.
To follow is an excerpt from said employees day yesterday after I tried to send her a link to view this BLOG:
(for those of you who not all that email savvy, read from bottom up)
The rest of the Colorado Crush team came though!! So many hot, strong boys!!! I’m in HEAVEN right now!!!
Suzanne
Sales Receptionist
-----Original Message-----From: [mailto:] Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2005 4:00 PMTo: , Suzanne; , ChariseSubject: Re:
He’s a big plastic pant wearing football star. What did you expect? He’s probably off soaking in a hot tub with a bunch of cheerleaders right now.
From: ", Suzanne" <>Date: Thu, 9 Jun 2005 15:17:15 -0700To: "" <>, ", Charise"
He never came! That loser stood us up! I feel so used, and embarrassed. How could he do this to me? Suzanne Sales Receptionist
-----Original Message-----From: ]"
Re:That’s a good way to get fired. Exposing your “pants”
From: ", Suzanne" <>Date: Thu, 9 Jun 2005 13:27:24 -0700To: "" <>, ", Charise"
Ya, and I’ll try to get FIRED while I’m at it!! Charise says I should have him sign my plastic training pants. Suzanne Sales Receptionist
-----Original Message-----From: Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2005 1:28 PMTo: , Suzanne; , ChariseSubject:
Re:Try to get his autograph.
From: ", Suzanne" <>Date: Thu, 9 Jun 2005 13:06:17 -0700To: "" <>, ", Charise"
In about an hour, John Elway will be walking past my desk…in plastic training pants.
Suzanne Sales Receptionist-
----Original Message-----From: : Thursday, June 09, 2005 1:08 PMTo: , Suzanne; , ChariseSubject: Re:Har! :) You guys!
From: ", Suzanne" <>Date: Thu, 9 Jun 2005 12:26:58 -0700To: ", Charise"
Actually, Gena and I laughed quite heartily at the plastic pants comment earlier, BEFORE the blog reading. Plastic training pants!! HAR!
Suzanne Sales Receptionist-
----Original Message-----From: , Charise Thursday, June 09, 2005 12:25 PMTo: , SuzanneCc: Subject:
RE: Hehe….you know what I think is funny? I wrote “plastic pants” in your email and you didn’t even mention it. I thought it was golden. GOLDEN!
Warm Regards, Charise
From: , Suzanne
Thursday, June 09, 2005 12:21 PMTo: , ChariseSubject: RE:
I have Gena on the phone and she is reading me your blog right now! It is SO cute!! Suzanne Sales Receptionist-
----Original Message-----From: , Charise Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2005 12:17 PMTo: , Suzanne; Subject:
RE: Schnizzllee!!! Those mother hoppers, I forgot you are too big of a baby in plastic training pants to have the internet. It’s my blog. I’m so internet savvy.
Warm Regards, Charise
From: , Suzanne Sent: Thursday, June 09, 2005 12:14 PMTo: , Charise; Subject: RE:
Enlighten me, seeing as I don’t have the interweb access anymore.Suzanne Sales Receptionist
posted by Anonymous @ 9:59 AM
2 Comments:
This is from a victim of internet removal:
Your blog had a sadly familiar ring to it. I have fallen prey to such a managerial power trip merely because I used it on my down time to study Spanish on a wonderful Spanish website. Note-I only used it on my down time and only when there were no clients or anyone of importance present. Seems harmless right? Yes, it was harmless though not viewed this way by the many nosey coworkers eying me suspiciously from various hiding places. Calling me into a meeting, my boss berated me for my “abuse” of internet privileges and also noted that I had a “bad attitude.” Since the removal of these precious privileges, I feel my attitude has improved significantly. There is nothing like a hard core spanking to lighten your outlook on life and make you so happy to come to work each day! Of course, those last two sentences were saturated with sarcasm and honestly, I feel sick each day I log on to my computer to begin work. Every time a VIP guest comes and asks to have his boarding pass printed out for the flight he/she needs to catch, I hang my head in shame, tell them I don’t have internet and direct them to the business center where they will be charged a fee both for the access and the document printed. When a guest needs directions to a location I’m unfamiliar with, rather than providing them with MapQuest directions I’m forced to shrug my shoulders and utter something unintelligent like “Dunno chief. Mebbe you can ask a cab driver?”
This demotion has severely handicapped me and has done nothing to fix my attitude, which I dare say was never broken in the first place. So there!! Neener neener neener. Well, I had better wrap this email up before my boss decides to take that away too.
Happy Trails y’all!!!
Suzanne
Sales Receptionist
From Another Reader:
Dear Handicapped,
There isn’t any clear reason why said privileges were removed. Unless you were viewing too many sites with panting mammoths or eating aardvarks. I would suggest that you check your manager’s chair for a tack swimming in elmer’s glue – this might explain why he/she is being such a prick. I would then suggest complaining to every VIP about the management at any given opportunity. Ex. “I would print it for you sir, but my manager got a bug in his bonnet and decided to unjustly punish me by removing said internet access.” Or – shrug and simply drool a little from the corner of your mouth. Look uncomfortable and afraid. Or simply act up that “horrible attitude” of yours.
For the record – I lost my “cheerful attitude” at Dentrix and was reprimanded by multiple checks on my “e-Time” (e standing for extra nosey employee checking on you instead of doing their job)
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