Motherhussy

Thanks for the pap--can I bring you a Starbucks or something next time?

I don’t know what it is about GYN appointments and blogs, but the two go hand in hand like bare feet in metal stirrups (HAR!). I have read far too many blogs that women post after their annuals and I should know better than to post one myself—but I can’t resist. I’m sorry.

In the past, my GYNs have usually been the grey-haired “older man” types, I would compare them to a grandfather—but that would just be WRONG. So, we’ll just say that they reminded me of someone my grandfather would have gone golfing with. They were the type of old men that would probably wear seersucker and drink mint juleps, if so inclined. These old gentlemen were terribly nice, but our visits were always somewhat uncomfortable as I’m sure any woman reading this can imagine. Many women dread going to their GYN, I didn’t dread it—I just didn’t look forward to it. Sort of like Thanksgiving with your parents, or helping your kids with their homework. Unpleasant yes, torture—not quite.

All the GYN “unpleasantness” in my life changed yesterday. I met the GYN of my dreams. No, my GYN is not a man that looks like the guy in Prison Break—that wouldn’t be a dream, that would be a nightmare of sorts, trying to explain to my husband why all of the sudden I needed to go to the GYN once a week instead of once a year. Anthony wouldn’t buy any of the excuses, I’m sure of it. My new GYN is even better than the Prison Break guy—she’s a talker!

So yesterday, instead of just staring up at the ceiling listening to the little comments my old GYN would make like, “You have a nice, flat stomach” and “How are the twins?” I had a full on conversation with my GYN about the Redondo Beach Unified School District and her involvement with the fitness and nutrition program. We talked about how children need to “move about” more, and what they don’t like about the hot lunches schools had to offer. I know where she’s from (NYC), how long she’s lived in Redondo (12 years), and that she used to teach some medical seminars in Utah. I learned all this while she touched my breasts and swabbed my—well—you know. It was fabulously distracting! She even gave me her email when we were through, it wasn't at all like the one night stand feeling I used to get after my previous annuals.

So now that I know my future appointments aren’t going to be cold and sterile like they were in the past, I’m sort of looking forward to the next one. A kinder, friendlier annual. After a conversation like yesterday’s, I feel much closer to my GYN—who knows, maybe I’ll ask her out to coffee sometime.

Or…maybe not.

posted by Anonymous @ 4:36 PM