Motherhussy

Fish Eyes and Spider Legs

Top Ten Reasons Why My Sister Should Dump Her “Boyfriend”

10. He weighs less than her, and he’s over 6’ (Heroine, anyone?)
9. She had tried dumping him several times—but, like a possessed Ouija board he keeps coming back around to torture her with renditions of their twisted past.
8. Recently, after one of their break-ups, he “let slip” that he may have cancer (I’ve heard that one before). How convenient; how pathetic. Even if he does have it, let his wife take care of him—which leads me to #7.
7. He’s married and has been for the duration of the relationship. He has strung along the “I’m working on the divorce” carrot for almost two years. He recently went to Disneyland (the sickest man on earth at the happiest place on earth, the irony is not lost on me) with his wife and daughter and lied about it. He wasn’t in Disneyland; he was “fishing with his old man.” I’ve even used that lie before, get an imagination. Judas-T.
6. He uses street drugs like an out of work NYC ballet dancer.
5. He breaks things when he gets mad, like car stereos.
4. The affair began in the office. While my sister got reprimanded for such behavior—he got promoted! That’s Utah for you. Burn the scarlet “S” on the woman and high-five the guy.
3. He’s a liar, cheater, and alcoholic.
2. He gets all freaked out at the possibility of meeting any of the family. We’re not scary; we’ll just cut you with a broken bottle if you hurt anyone in our family.
1. At the sake of repeating myself—THE MOTHERF*CKER IS STILL MARRIED!

This list is just a little bit of sisterly therapy, venting, entertainment, etc. Of course she knows this is a sickeningly dysfunctional relationship, but those are the hardest ones to get out of as many of us know.

Anyway, Jez, please move to California. That’s all I’m going to post on this topic (today at least).

posted by Anonymous @ 4:35 PM