Motherhussy

because friday should be date night....or, would you still love me if i bought you Wendy's and ate it all in front of you?

My sisters and I enjoy making fun of others. It makes us feel better about ourselves—is that so wrong? Today’s victims are those silly little groups of RMs (return missionaries) and virginal coeds that get together and think of “creative” dates to go on. In my past dating experiences, dating creativity was pretty much limited to which alcoholic beverage we were going to mix with which non-alcoholic beverage, and that was just fine by me. But, today’s LDS Youth are more complicated and must be more creative than that, which is exactly why “we” (Me, Nick, and Suzy) have compiled the following list:

25 (Super Lame and Embarrassing) Wholesome Dates for Today’s LDS Youth


1. Take a trip to Wendover and pretend to be "bad" by drinking virgin Margaritas and gambling in the "video arcade".

2. Stage a fake proposal in the park - swoon and scream when your date "pops" the question. Then loudly say "NO! As if! We could never be eternally happy!" in front of the gathering crowd.

3. Start a sweet spirited chain letter cursing everyone who doesn't forward it on. Threats can include never getting married, getting married but to a GENTILE, never having kids, never learning the secret to high-quality canning, and being forever doomed to driving a station wagon/mini-van for the rest of your life—even though you don’t have any kids.

4. Visit the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers Museum dressed like an old time
Pioneer! Pretend as if you are shopping for wagons at a wagon dealership. When the guide refuses to sell a wagon to you at Blue Book—tell everyone that he/she is a witch.

5. Pack up all your favorite LDS movies and take them for a midnight
Screening—at the local elementary school football field! Don't forget
to bring the generator and homemade quilts to cozy under!

6. Go Dutch on your date to the Brick Oven, literally. Make your own cardboard clogs and hold silk tulips in your hand. Lederhosen, braids, and those silly white hats are a must!

7. Paint your faces with your favorite college colors. Then, have a fun-filled game of flag football-IN THE MALL FOOD COURT! When security tries to arrest you, tackle them like only Steve Young could!

8. Instead of a wine tasting in Sonoma County, have a soda tasting in your parents backyard. Bring Your Own Styrofoam Cups! Spitting not necessary.

9. Take a trip to the Zoo parking lot. Listen closely to what animal sounds you hear, then do your best to imitate those sounds as loud as you can!

10. Have a "Crazy Dinner." Eat your food with oven mitts on and use only baby utensils. Tuck the tablecloth in and use as a napkin. What a riot!

11. Rent a four-seated bike for you and your date. Place stuffed
animals or scarecrows in the other two empty seats. Drive your "group" up and down a main road or street. Afterwards, when you go for ice cream at the BYU Creamery, order for your special "friends" as well as you and your date.

12. Go to a busy place such as an airport or shopping mall (The Gateway would be great for this!). Ask where shops or restrooms are in PIG LATIN! When people don't answer you, ask them again in sign language. If they still don’t answer you, tackle them like only Steve Young could!

13. Get out the tape recorders and rice-you're making a radio show!
Reenact one of your favorite B.O.M (Book of Mormon) or Bible Stories. (The violent ones are always the most fun!) After you're finished, make copies and send to all the local radio stations. Follow-up with demanding/threatening letters of inquiry.

14. Pretend you are homeless and panhandle for your dinner at a local
supermarket. Whoever gets the most money, wins a prize! Don’t forget to pay tithes on your “earnings.”

15. Eat a picnic lunch someplace zany, like an OB/GYNs office, or the parking lot of the DMV!

16. Go on a double date with your parents to a nursing home for dinner. Make silly jokes (over plates of creamed corn and meatloaf smoothies) about one day ending up there together. Dance the night away to Lawrence Welk.

17. Go to a Five Star restaurant and dine on nothing but bread and water. Tip your server in pennies.

18. Go to a thrift store with three dollars each and see who can find the wackiest shirt! Then wear the shirts somewhere your date will be humiliated, like to a Bishop’s interview, or her Great Aunt’s funeral!

19. Have a scavenger hunt for picnic items at your grocery store.
Eat all the items in the checkout line!

20. Go Christmas caroling...in JULY!!!!!! Be sure to dress warm! Moon boots, turtlenecks, and modesty are a must!

21. Make finger paintings, and then have an impromptu opening! Invite your friends and serve fingers foods and sparkling cider, just like at a real art show. (Hmmm...that one actually sounds sort of fun. But it is still pretty lame so it stays on the list.)

22. Make boxing gloves out of paper Mache and have a mock-boxing match. The winner gets to go to Heaven.

23. Read children's books at your local library together. Sit in the tiny chairs and laugh at how silly you both look. Pay your overdue fines before you leave.

24. Go camping! See how long you can keep the opposite sex from sleeping. Poking and tickling isn’t mentioned anywhere in the “For the Strength of the Youth” booklet—so it’s ALL GOOD!

25. Rip out two random pages in your local area phone book. Send the names, phone numbers, and addresses to the local missionaries as “serious prospects.”











Okay, that should be plenty to keep any young-blooded (or relationship challenged) LDS couple from fornicating—don’t you think? Feel free to add more ideas if so inclined.


HAPPY FRIDAY!

posted by Anonymous @ 10:54 AM