Post-American Idol Traumatic Stress Disorder
I am ashamed to admit that I spent a portion of my night watching American Idol (which will, from here on out, be referred to as “AI” because why spell a whole word when you can use acronyms?). However, my shame is somewhat diluted by the fact that I was not alone—millions of other television addicted, Hollywood-humping viewers joined me in my self-loathing. It’s all over now, AI 2006, and I feel empty—like the online "playa" who has just realized that no matter how many times they’ve had cyber sex, they’re still a 36 year-old virgin living in their Aunt’s basement. What a sad waste of time! On the bright side, Katherine McPhee didn’t win even though she totally fit the glistening wax museum mold of what an AI ought to be. I am utterly pleased to find that the majority of AI viewers this year have grown weary of Vaseline smiles and hair extensions, and are now ready to embrace grand mal seizures and grey hair with open arms. Congratulations Taylor Hicks—if anything, your win makes up for Chris Daughtry’s *premature elimination. (*not to be confused with premature ejaculation)
Now for Motherhussy’s Final Thought:
Several times during tonight’s show, Seacrest and his stylish blazer mentioned that there were more voters voting for “your next AI” than there were for the Presidential elections, like this was some type of massive accomplishment. This is a totally asinine statement. Complete and utter bullshit. Why? Well, let me point out a few facts:
* There are NO age restrictions on AI voters
* There are NO citizenship restrictions on AI voters
* There is NO limit on how many times you can vote
* You can vote BY PHONE for the love of Judas!
* If you don't have a phone, you can vote via TEXT MESSAGING! For the love!
Okay, see what I mean? Seriously folks, if we could vote for our President anonymously, by phone or text message, regardless of our age and United States citizenship status, as many times as we wanted—well, I’m almost sure the Presidential votes would sickeningly exceed AIs pithy 64+ million. But, that’s just me, I could be wrong. Maybe America really has turned in to a bunch of television licking political ignoramuses.
Anywhoo, way too much rambling for one night! I’m going to go kill my television now.
posted by Anonymous @ 11:01 PM
7 Comments:
Yes! A "Taylor Hicks" episode is exactly what I have been longing for each time I watch the Pres address our nation. Nothing conveys world peace and total domination like the sultry sounds of the harmonica.
I haven't paid much attention to American Idol over the past five years (it's just a goddamn karaoke contest -- I mean that's all it is, right? I do a killer version of "Black Dog"), but I do have some questions: 1) Didn't Seacrest have a used to have a co-host? Whatever happened to that guy? 2) Didn't I hear that you had to be between 18-24 to be on AI? This Hicks sonofabitch is at least 47*. That gives me hope that one such as I can cash in on the karaoke craze. America, I'm ready to steal your hearts! "Hey hey mama, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove!"
*Estimate; may not be accurate.
I think the saddest part about "AI" is that the season lasted longer then my last relationship Ha!(despite the lasting results). Talk about pathetic.
Go Taylor! Wahoo...
Also, doesn't he look like a muppet? When he opens his mouth really wide he looks like a muppet...
I know absolutely nothing about American Idol. But if the Islam jihadists are so concerned with idolatry ... then why don't they do the world a favor and target the g*damn show?!? hahaha! Do some bloody good for once.
Go Taylor! Whoop whoop!
That is my ONLY contribution to this discussion. The end.
Here, here! Pretty much to everything you said. Nice blog!
Charissa
(Friend of the Willi)
Hey...Charissa--
LOVE your name!
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