Motherhussy

Stretchy Denim and Sadness

So today I feel like complaining. I feel like complaining about designer jeans. Not real designer jeans, fake designer jeans. Not just fake designer jeans in general, the fake ones I'm wearing right now.

[single tear streams down Motherhussy's face]

The tale begins with a so-called friend...

So Called Friend [at church food social thingy]: Hey Charise! I thought you might be interested in this--my husband found a retailer that gets designer jeans at a discounted price. Say, jeans that would go for 189 USD you can buy them for 98 USD.

Motherhussy: Duuuuuuuhhhhhhh, okay. Here's my money. [Charise hands over crinkled wad of sweaty American currency]

When the jeans come, Motherhussy is somewhat pained and highly annoyed to find out that the jeans are fake. How can she tell that they're fake, well, she does the research. Now Motherhussy is in a predicament, does she tell her "friend" that she's selling rip-off designer jeans and ask for her 98 USD back, or suffer in cheap denim silence? What's a hussie to do?

Here's the answer: I'm sitting here suffering in cheap denim silence. These jeans suck hard and for a while I had them in a bag and fully intended on deporting them to the Salvation Army, but for some reason I thought to myself, "Self, why don't you try wearing the fake jeans again today--they may have vintaged themselves to a higher-quality while they were sitting in the Salvation Army bag."

They're not higher-quality even after fermenting in a bag for weeks, and I'm lesser of a woman for wearing them. Let this be a lesson to you all, never buy jeans from church-social peddlers.

The End.

[This was a public service announcement from Motherhussy, Inc. DBA: Nothingdefinable.blogspot.com, a Detroit LLC. 2006]

posted by Anonymous @ 3:59 PM