Motherhussy Steals More Material from Others
In honor of the new season of Project Runway, and one more television show to add to my couch-oriented OCD, I have stolen a myspace bulletin and claimed it as my own. The bulletin started out innocently enough, a few people I don’t know with some well received fashion advice. As we get lower in the bulletin you will notice that the comments get funnier. Especially the two comments I made. Best of all, ICM comments without even bulletin-ing—because he’s too good to post to the masses. I, on the other hand, will post anything to the masses regardless of taste, humor, relevance, or spelling and grammatical accuracy—that is why I’m posting his email in regards to fashion errors below the actual bulletin advice (that and lately I’ve been prone to stealing other people’s funny). Enjoy!Socks With Sandals--------Tamara Black
socks with any kind of shorts-------Jayson
Fubu...hahahaha--------------Tyler
pleated pants...............Corey
Anything Eminem wears----------Marcy
cellphone clips on the waste.............Jen
"Git-R-Done" T-shirts-----------Justin.k
Hats with ponytails through them-------------Erin
Zoobaz work out pants----------Derrick
K-Swiss and Puka Shells--------Eric
Shirts that say "Spoiled Brat" "Princess" or "Drama Queen".....Suzy
Articles of clothing made for adults that display characters from "Winnie the Pooh"-------Charise
Also, cell phone clips on the "waste". (See Jen's comment above) I too hate when people wear things on their garbage------Charise
Jogging Pants men or women!------------Ashley
Heterosexual Men that wear pink shirts, pink accents or pink shoes/shoe laces. Heterosexual men that wear women's jeans. For all our sakes, just 'come out' already.---------------------Richard
I can't believe you guys left out the "fanny pack". Can I also add the famously bragged about "Prince Alberts". SO OUT! -----Nichole
ICM emails the following:
“I'm not going to do a bulletin, but I will tell you privately, I am far from fashion-savvy, but quite frankly, there is a lot of shit I am tired of seeing on the university campus. First of all, I am sick of seeing so many straps. This is more of a problem with the high school and young college-age crowd. Once a young woman gets into her twenties she usually figures this one out.
You know what I'm talking about? The girl with two tank tops and a bra, all different colors, all visible. That's three pairs of multi-colored straps. Incredibly tacky.
And clear bra straps are fine from far away, because you can't see them. But up close they look ridiculous.
Also: anything with the playboy bunny or Hustler logo. Skirts so short that the wearer's bare ass touches the seat when she sits down. And those little gym shorts with words across the ass.
And to go along with what you posted, add "Hello Kitty" and Barbie to Winnie the Pooh.
And for dudes: Most of the worst offenses have already been listed below, but also: stupid t-shirts about drinking and/or sex. Short-sleeved shirts with ties. Calculator watches. White socks with dress pants.
And along those lines: Fraternity and sorority members: you don't need to make a goddamn t-shirt for every little thing you do. I don't need to know--via your shirt--that you went on another "bar crawl" the weekend before last.
Finally: Anything with advertising! If you are going to be a walking billboard, you should be paid to do it. If you pay to give a company free advertising, you are a total rube.
This email was a lot longer than I meant for it to be. I guess I needed to get a few things off my chest. Feel free to put me in my place if need be, since I'm sure you kick my ass in fashion knowledgability.
Annoyedly,
ICM, fashion-critic-in-chief.”
posted by Anonymous @ 11:50 AM
10 Comments:
Ha, I'm proud to be the one who posted that bulletin for you. I rarely respond to those, but that was fun.
Though, I left one vital thing off the list! Sneakers without heels. Like slip on sneakers that your moldy old heel sticks out of. They are so ugly!
Here is a new one. I saw three pairs of what appear to be water shoes. In lime green. What the hell are these new things?
CROCS! They're what Satan wears when he's pulling roses from his tare garden. Crocs are what keep his cloven hooves from splitting.
hee hee!!! cloven hooves. "waste." etc.
oh, i was just thinking the other day about "sneakers" without heels. slip-ons or sneakers, pick one already! you don't need laces for a gosh darn slip on shoe!
Thank you peppermintlisa! It's good to know I'm not alone in my hatred of crossbreeding shoes.
It's like those high-heeled flip flops. Totally defeats the purpose of the flip flop!
And Jez, are you talking about those weird plastic/rubber clogs with the holes over the top, I can only assume are to let the feet breathe? Those are wretched!
As a high school teacher I see a shitload of offensive fashion disasters.
1) the t-shirts which are meant to be kitschy, but are just ridiculous because they read any of the following: "you're just jealous because the voices talk to me", "90% Angel", "Your village called, they're missing their idiot", "I Kan Spell" and other random bullshit. I hold Hot Topic and Spencer's Gifts responsible.
2) low-ride jeans that allow for innocent bystanders to be horrified by knowing that you wear a thong or g-string, and that it's sparkly and red.
3) boys that don't wear belts and offend me with their plumber cracks
4) the tell-tale marks of your vices. ie) a) the bulge of the cell phone in your front pocket--get a bag. b)your chew ring in your back pocket--come the fuck on. c) your lip balm/carmex/chapstick in your front or back jeans pocket--ever heard of a cute coin purse?
5) girls who purposely wear their belly-tops in order to show that they have placed a playboy bunny sticker on their tummy while tanning. Because apparently it's important to show how white you USED to be.
6) people who try to be fashion forward and wear jeans or denim crops under sundresses but shouldn't because they're not a) model material or b) creative enough to pull it off.
7) frosted lip stick or gloss. Period.
8) those idiots who think it's cool to walk around the mall with one pant leg (sweat pants or jeans) up around the knee. Wha?
9) those nike/adidas "backpacks" that are really just a vinyl pouch on tiny shoestrings. What the f? Hideous.
10) finally, to describe my disgust about this fashion faux pax I am going to give a little bit of advice to all those offenders out there: please ignore the size printed on the little tag in your jeans--get some that fit so your jelly roll isn't hanging over the top of your waistband.
Like I always say--you can do better.
Sheesh.
I just bought Dino a pair of CROCs .... FOISTED them on him! hahaha! They are waaaaaaaaay comfy. And I want to get him a cute pair of clam digger pants to go with them. He is afraid that I am trying to turn him gay.
And WOW Kate! I think you hit every one of my peeves on the head!
But I will add a couple more:
RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALISTS AND FANATICS (especially the ones where the man can blend into mainstream but the girls look like Holly Hobby dolls)
ANY REFERENCE TO YOUR (MOST LIKELY UNVERIFIED) HERITAGE ie: "Kiss Me I'm Irish", anything "mother Africa", or even stuff like "The Johnson Family Reunion"
Anddddddddd..... those stupid rubber wristbands (that started with Lance Armstrong "Live Strong" crap)
As soon as I hit enter I was filled with regret at not proofing my rant. I am now concerned that Kate is going to grade it and return it covered in red pointing out my poor grammer, slangy spelling. And the fact that I said I was adding "a couple more" and proceeded to slap down THREE more probably insures me a failing grade. For blogging irresponsibly, a tree should just fall on my head.
Oops! I just dangled a participle!
I'm afraid of Kate's spectacular English proofing, writing, and teaching skills too! Which is why I no longer comment on her site, just lurk.
Fear is a mighty motivator.
Detention for you both! There is this strange curse that comes with being an English teacher. I say to people, "I teach high school." They say, "What do you teach?" I say, "English." Then, all of a sudden, there's the look. The look of fear that I'm going to pull out my red pen and start diagramming their sentences.
Truth be told--I barely teach grammar because, well, I hate it. I'm just a normal person with an abnormal job. Don't judge me (ha).
That being said, you both receive A+ for your comments and creativity. Now carry on.
Charise--stop lurking and start commenting! Do I need to make it an assignment with a due date? Hmmm?
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