Motherhussy

It's Like the House Keeps Throwing Up...I'm Waiting for the Dry Heaves

So, as you all know, over the weekend I had the pleasure of unearthing my mother from her tomb of a home in good ol’ Lehi, UT. Buried within the brick walls called “home”, were boxes and boxes representing years of wedded/family dysfunction. Millions of pens, colored pencils, and sheets of paper slept in plastic container tombs all over the house. Newspaper articles from 1994-2002 were still in circulation in her home as if they were “of interest" to someone. There were "of interest" to no one, so they were trashed. They were trashed along with so many other things. Some unique specimens found in the rubble were:

A 12 oz. Black Widow spider (alive)
A 10 lb. hornet’s nest (hornets—all alive)
A stethoscope (I didn’t know Mom made house calls)
A large chunk of the Berlin Wall
Propaganda for the Baptist Church
One million crappy rock tapes (Marc, all your fault)

After everything was moved (moved in less than 10 hours—I forgot to mention that), Nichole, Suzy, and I sat in a thick silence. We knew that any words that came out of our mouths at that point would be like a mouthful of wet tar--nasty and hard to comprehend. We were all veterans of an emotional war. Nobody else except the ones who were there would understand.

Among the understanding was our surrogate brother Rich. An excerpt from an email conversation is documented below to show how interesting the day really was (*of course, read from bottom up and ignore grammatical/spelling errors):


From: "Richard Gamonal"
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2005 07:57:38 -0600
To:



Subject: Re: Thank GOODNESS that is over

The part that did set uneasy with me was your mother's willingness to stockpile and keep all her "daily affirmations", 15 year old Sunday School plans and scraps of yarn, paper and paste. She was willing, without a moments hesitation, to discard baby photos from the 70's, childhood memories and cutesy student papers (marc's leftist paper about eye pecking rich and poor turkeys). Ernie summed that paper up nicely - Marc is currently experiencing economic self-loathing. Marc, don't hate your class. Embrace your race... err, I mean class. Momma asked me to pretty much torch those fine remnants of Hanson lineage. Yes, Ernie and I had to dumpster dive for the "gold" as it were. Yes, the fun house full of circus mirrors that is the core of the Hanson Family History is a fine place to linger, study and observe. Only spouses of Hanson's (and of that, there have been plenty) get dished up such fine morsels of childhood trauma. I did dig me some of the madness within. It explains a LOT !!!

Nichole Hanson
Let me again echo Suzanne's sentiments - we couldn't have done it without you, matt, and ernie! Next rounds on me boys!! We been through "Nam" and back and toured the Hanson "House of Freaks" and lived to tell the tale.
Sigh! This one will go down in History.

From: "Richard Gamonal"
Date: Tue, 30 Aug 2005 07:57:38 -0600
To:



Subject: Re: Thank GOODNESS that is over

Dear Hanson's,

The pleasure was all mine and mine brother's. I was glad to see such
a show of force in attendance for the mighty heist. Although, I think
Ernie said it best to Suzanne, "How many brother's do you have?" - "I
have three..." - "Oh really now, I don't think so - I don't see 'em
any where... they under this box? Kurt? You there? No, under here maybe... Marc? Where you at? Eric?
Where you at - Suzanne seems to believe you exist? I don't think you
have three brothers... I ain't believing it."

Suzy was a machine ! Dedicated to the cause. You did your momma right Suzy.
Your momma's proud of you.

Yes... no other way to spend a fine and beautiful Saturday afternoon.
I like Michele's eloquent comment on the phone, "Rich - I never want
to see that *&%$'ng house again". Ahhh, brings a tear to the eye.

Eric pulled a hap-hazard dual move with Clint/Jess and Me and bro hit
up my Dad's digs after enjoying such fun times with Big E. Two moves in one day.
Although, daddy didn't move - just needed some HEAVY lifting done.

By the by - Ernie is digging your momma. He has never met her before.
Those two hit it off quite nicely on the car ride over to the new
digs. She gave us quite the tour. I'm happy for her. Hopefully
Ernie put her mind at ease about the "new ward".

Told ya Matt can lift his weight in donuts and gold. Build 'em up
strong, kids. Can't let 'em wander off cause "they want to". How
many of us were afforded that luxury? We give no quarter...
yessireebob - me and matt drank our first beer together after that move ! Just like Vacation - just like..

Lovely, just lovely,
Rg

ps: Where were representatives from Kurt's, Marc's & Michele's
respective crews? When a member can't make it - they must afford the
remaining peeps a representative. This is so scribed in the charter
and bylaws (Ch. III, a.1.e.).


"Hanson, Suzanne"

Rich, thanks again for all your help this weekend! You and your bro
are my heroes! Can I get your address so I can send you a homemade
thank-you, probably constructed from crepe paper and magazine
clippings? Also, I still want to read your resume!

---Suzy-----

posted by Anonymous @ 9:49 AM