Motherhussy

A Mother Q and A

The following are some answers I sent for the upcoming book "Real Moms Speak". Enjoy!

• What do you wish you had known about being a mother before you had your child(ren)?
I wish I had know that all the books I read, and all the parents I talked to, and all the parenting programs on television I watched, weren’t actually going to prepare me for parenting as much as I thought they would. What I realized (about eight years into being a mother) is the majority of what you learn as a parent is through your own experiences. There aren’t many books that will teach you exactly, “What to do when you feel like throwing your child over a bridge.” You just figure that stuff out on your own.
• How has motherhood changed you?
Well, first of all—my hips are wider. There are strange marks all over my stomach, thighs, and BOOBS (oh the humanity!), and my eyes have their bags packed for some exotic vacation that I’m still waiting for. Aside from the physical changes, motherhood has changed me by increasing my patience one-million times what it originally was. Motherhood has also turned me into someone who can: tolerate tantrums at insane decibel levels, eat food off of a child’s plate like some type of primitive scavenger, and give like I never thought I could give before.
• What one piece of advice were you given before becoming a mom that has stuck with you the most?
My mother once told me that when my older children are crying and throwing tantrums, and I am at the point of jumping in my car and driving until it runs out of gas (sans children)—that I should just imagine my children as infants or toddlers that are in need of something and just don’t know how to express it. It made me realized that although my children aren’t babies anymore, they still aren’t fully grown emotionally and mentally in a lot of ways. That advice has taught me to listen more to what my children are trying to tell me that they need—instead of just ignoring it and hoping the behavior will go away.
• What books would you recommend for moms-to-be to read before their babies are born? “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy”
“What to Expect When You’re Expecting”
“Your Pregnancy Week by Week”
Anything else trashy, erotic, interesting, or educational. Read up, because once the child is born—you won’t get much time to indulge in leisurely reading.
• What do you wish you had known about labor that no one told you?
Nobody told me how painful episiotomies are after birth. Normally, I laugh a lot---but I tried not to for a while after my pregnancy. The pain was excruciating! I’m sure people got a kick out of trying to make me laugh, and watching my painful attempts at suppressing my giggles. Humor has never hurt so much!
• What do you wish you had known about the first months of motherhood that no one told you?
I wish I had known that the first few months of motherhood were similar to a drug induced hallucination. If I had known that, I would have written more down about my first few months of motherhood. All I have now of those months are hazy recollections and some flashbacks.
• What do you remember about the first days after the birth of your child(ren)?
I remember that I couldn’t tell them apart. They looked so similar that for a few days after they were born, we kept the hospital wrist tags on them so we didn’t mix them up by mistake. I didn’t want to be the reason they forever had an identity crisis.
• What support systems helped you most as a new parent? Which ones do you recommend every new mom seek out?
Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mother-in Law, Mother-in Law, Mother-in Law, Mother-in Law, Mother-in Law, Mother-in Law, Mother-in Law, husband.
I recommend seeking out doting grandparents first, then doting (childless) aunts and uncles, then girlfriends.
• What do you enjoy about being a mom?
I enjoy knowing that every morning I wake up; I have an important purpose in life. I enjoy hearing the word “Mom” repeated 1000+ times a day (honest). I absolutely enjoy teaching my children, and learning from them.
• What parts of being a mom have been better than you expected?
Watching my children grow and develop into unique individuals is much more rewarding than I ever imagined it to be. Naps have also been much more rewarding than I expected.
• What was your greatest fear about motherhood before the birth of your child(ren)? What happened to this fear after the birth of your child(ren)?
I was afraid that somehow, some way, I would forget to feed my children and they would starve to death. I used to have dreams about this, and I would wake up panicked and scared of the fact that I, a mere mortal, was going to be responsible for the life of another human being. After the birth of my children I realized that no way, no how, those babies were going to starve. They were like little hungry alarm clocks that woke up every two hours to be fed. I also realized that Enfamil wouldn’t let my babies starve either. That was comforting.
• At what point after having your child(ren) did it hit you that your life had changed forever?
I think I realized that my life had changed forever when, shortly after I gave birth, I looked down at my once flat stomach and watched it jiggle like a bowl of fleshy jell-o. My body had never done anything like that before, so who knew what the rest of my life had in store for me?
• Up to this point, what is your best memory as a mother?
Watching my boys shoot hoops last night while the sun set. I didn’t play with them; they just wanted me to watch. I hope that they’ll want me to watch them play for years and years.
• How is your child(ren)'s personality different than you anticipated? How have you dealt with this?
I never anticipated my children’s personalities—I didn’t need to. I felt they each had personalities all their own before they were even born. Although they do surprise me from time to time (by dressing up in my heels), they seem to have a long time ago established who they were.
• Who has been your greatest teacher when it comes to motherhood?
Dr. Phil. I know, he’s not a mother—but he’s a kick-ass parent!
• How close do you live to your family, and how has this helped or hindered you as a mom?
When my children were first born, my family was very close—just miles away. It helped me immensely when I was a young mother needing naps, a single parent needing date nights, and a student trying to cram for exams. I never felt hindered by my family being near by. I have since moved hundreds of miles away from my family, and I miss the love and support they so freely gave to me and my children.
• What kind of help did your have from family or friends right after the birth of your child(ren)? If you had another child, how would you like that to change?
I got unbelievable help from my parents, in-laws, and siblings. Without them I feel I may have not made it to the ripe old age of 27—and my children may have not made it to the ripe old age of 8.
How has your relationship with your friends changed since you became a mother?
What friends?
• In what ways do you feel society hinders you from being the best mother you can be? How do you deal with that?
I feel that society hinders mothers by presenting to us unrealistic expectations of what a “good mother” is. Most mothers don’t look great in a swimsuit months after giving birth. Most mothers can’t afford high-priced SUVs and designer sunglasses. Most mothers don’t always have the time to cook balanced, nutritious meals. Most mothers aren’t 100% fulfilled in their role as “mother” and sometimes feel lost.
I deal with all of the above by turning off the television.

posted by Anonymous @ 6:03 PM