Why I'm a Horrible Mother Part 2,637...and counting...
If you know me, you'll know how I like to burn candles. I can't stand the smell of a musty house. I burn Salt City, Yankee, Pier One, Glade...hell, I've even been known to burn those cheap near-scentless candles they sell at Big Lots! I'm a candle whore I guess. If candlestickmen were still around, I might consider going polygamist. Just might.Anywhoo, I was burning a very deliciously scented "Snickerdoodle" candle in the front room this morning. I made sure not to burn the candle on the coffee table, because that would make it too tempting for the boys to blow it out. (They are out of school again today, I think this is the 40th "Teacher Prep Day" we've had this year! Damn Unions). So, I placed it in the corner where it wouldn't be so conspicuous. Well, as the scent began to waft through the house, I smelt another smell mixed in with the snickerdoodle. Was it plastic? WAS IT PLASTIC!!!!
I quickly headed to the source only to hear one of my little pyros say, "Hurry! Blow it out!"
"What are you doing!" I screamed. It was obvious what they were doing when I saw the distorted, limp shapes of what used to be staws dangling from their hands.
"Fire is not a joke! It's not a toy! It's not a joke it's not a toy you could, we could, DIE! Burn! Not a toy!" I spewed.
I yanked the "straws" away and threw them in the trash. Not convinced that I had gotten through to them I thought of another way to put the point across. I went Google and searched for "burn victims."
Yes. I showed the boys pictures of "what happens to you when you play with fire." I almost got dizzy looking at them myself, but I forced them to look at the pictures until I was sure my point had been taken. It took about 10 seconds until the boys were dead silent. Damaged forever, but I think they understood what I was trying to tell them.
FIRE IS EVIL AND WILL HURT YOU BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATION!!!!!!
I know, I shouldn't have used fear as a teaching tool. What can I say, I'm a bad mother.
posted by Anonymous @ 2:04 PM
5 Comments:
Hey, fear is a great teacher. A feareacher, if you will. That last blog mad me laugh so hard, and I'm sick right now so it hurts to laugh. That's how funny it is, I'm chuckling right through my pain. You are great!
Sorry, this makes me laugh because you were the biggest PYRO when we were kids...remember all the melted babies that you used to sacrifice to the lamp. And we shall never forget setting the field a' fire by grandmas house. I still remember stamping furiously at those flames while they melted my rootbear brown gellies. And then praying to god to forgive us for being so awful.
Mom and Dad used motivation by force. I still remember one "candle sacrafice ritual" that I was in the middle of being rudely interrupted by a stinging spanking administered by dad. The whole while I was being thus foresaken by my god (He Whom Shall Be Referred To As The Eternal Fire God of the Candle), Eric was pretending to be asleep in bed to avoid joining in my physical torment. Blasphemer!
Ha! That just made me laugh so hard! The visual on that one. Naughty children. Remember the Barbie Cook-outs in the backyard with miniture bonfires of little pine-needles?
I just keep thinking of Arrested Development with the one armed man saying
"That's why you don't melt straws over candles, Cody and Colton." While they scream in terror at his stump, all that remains of a one healthy arm.
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