Motherhussy

I haven't posted much here about the fact that Cody and Colton have been away for most of the summer--they have. It's officially been four weeks since I left them in Utah with Grizzly Adams (a.k.a: "The Ex"). I know what you're all wondering right now, you're wondering, "Motherhussy, why did you leave your adorably jaded nine-year-olds with a shit-for-brains redneck mountain man?" Well, (sigh) he is...their father. I know, I know, I have shame. I mean seriously, this guy once had an argument with me and my sister insisting that Princess Diana didn't really die in a car wreck, she just faked her death to get away from the paparazzi. I bet he believes Elvis is still alive and is performing duets with Johnny Cash on some island in the Bermuda Triangle too. What a greasy rube.

If you haven't noticed already, I don't have a favorable opinion of ol' Grizzly. I have tried to stay away from writing about him, if only for the fact that so much ridiculously idiotic material has spewed forth from his whiskey-tainted breath that I could create a completely separate blog specifically dedicated to his jackassedness. (Yes, I just made up a word--jackassedness. No, I'm not sorry.) I just don't have the kind of time it would take to dedicate a blog to someone who thinks that Hee Haw was a reality show for up-and-coming inbreeders. Plus, I don't make a good angry person. When I'm angry, I like to say "fuck" a lot. And throw things, like forks and small rodents. So, mostly I try not to get angry. But tonight, I'm angry. I'm angry at Grizzly.


Why am I angry at Grizzly? Well, that's a good question of which I will answer simply--I'm angry at Grizzly because he is an ignorant sonofabitch. He is the kind of guy that thinks it's funny to fart in a can and give to someone else to smell. That's the level of intelligence that he operates on. For example: Last night Grizzly calls to let me speak with the boys. Everything is going along amicably with him, until he tells me that he is letting the boys drink Pimp Juice. Pimp Juice? What the hell? (For those of you retards that don't know, Pimp Juice is an energy drink created by some guy that whores out slutty crack addicts.) So he tells me the boys have each drank like FIVE of these Pimp Juices and, "It's funny to watch them. They're bouncing off of the walls." Yes, very funny. Personally, when I drink one or two of any energy drink--whether it be coffee or Red Bull or what have you, I get shaky and blink a lot. I can only imagine what it's doing to my nine-year-olds. I can imagine that he's not going to think it's very funny when they get violent and start beating on their half-brother and half-sister. It won’t be funny at all when they don’t sleep all night because they’re afraid of the spiders crawling all over them—spiders that aren’t there! Who know, maybe he will think it’s funny--knowing him he'll video tape it all and send it in to America's Dumbest Jackass Videos or something like that.

So, yes, Motherhussy is angry. She's angry that Grizzly has no regard for the health of her children. She's angry that he thinks it's funny that the boys are so wired with caffeine and whatever else that they're running in to the walls. She's angry that he doesn't realize that he's supposed to be their dad--not the head of the hazing department.

Motherhussy is angry and now Motherhussy is going to bed.

Everybody feel sorry for Motherhussy...and everybody send in $1 US to help pay for Cody and Colton's Pimp Juice rehab. I hear it’s pricey.